She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old. Funny Long Jokes. ", Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! Watch while I prove it to you. But I refused. "I responded, "Inflation.". Returning visitor? When I told him that it was your last day at work, he told me 'F**k him, give him a dollar. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? Weebly.footer.setupContainer('cdn2.editmysite.com', '1673987310'); For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. A climber fell off a cliff, and, as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch. St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" Keep the tip. Disclaimer: these are actually . A man is walking through the woods when he sees a bear charging at him.He books it, but he knows he can't outrun a bear for long, so he starts praying, "Dear Lord, I beseech thee. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her "Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! "Policeman: "About a gallon.". So, the airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix. "Wipe it off and say you're sorry." Max_W_ 3. "Nervous, the kid asks, "How long do I have to go to school for? If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. When the food critic says no, the owner decides to taste the soup himself but he can't find the spoon. You scared the living daylights out of me! You could probably get a good price for your clubs. You can change your preferences. After a few hours, the house painters came back for the payment as their work was complete. "He replied, "I doubt it somehow. A worm crawls out of a pile of spaghetti and says: "Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!". Well, it says you're not wearing any panties." What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? "Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. ", "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher.After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. Beat it. A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. 1. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. He threatened the manager by saying, "If you try to do anything smart, you're fiction." The alarmed waiter rushes over and says, "Well Sir, it was freshly ground coffee! More jokes about: dirty A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. You might find a really long joke with no punchline here, but these jokes are hilarious and could easily be your joke of the day. ", A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, "Do you know her? During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?". Error occurred when generating embed. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then? the girl smiled. There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?" ""For a minute there you were beginning to sound like my ex-wife.""Ex-wife!" "Oh, Im so sorry to hear that. //-->, As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman. another. ", One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. "He replied, "Neither do I. I am over 18. ", Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot? What is that? John then asks how many had sex once or twice a month? ""That's strange," he answers. "Patient: "Right around the entrance. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's. I love you." Now I know I can handle the bad news. The handyman was wearing two heavy parkas on a hot summer day. "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! 1. He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long? document.write( He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. This may seem corny, but you make me really horny. Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids..", Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. ", "Make me one with everything," says the Buddhist to the tofu hot dog vendor. A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. "Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends! Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! The man shakes his head. Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. Patient: "Doc, my bum hurts"Doctor: "Where specifically does it hurt? News on The Christmas Prince 4 for 2023. Create your own unique website with customizable templates. "Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "I dont need to outrun the bear", the first guy says. "Doctor: "Yeah well that's the exit. ", A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? May I ask you a question? As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. Britain's oldest woman turned 114 today. When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. ", 2 cowboys talking about s*x. Once you are there, give the jokes youve enjoyed the most your vote and share this article with your friends afterward. Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. There is no rush!" To break the ice, and to get the therapy started, John decides to ask a show of hands how often the attendees had sex. "What do you mean?" font-style: normal; His wife was standing nearby watching him. ""Yes, yes, I trust you! One was named Trouble, while the other boy's name was Mind Your Own Business. ", asks the bartender. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!, the officer said.I did, the man replied. The little girl replies, Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up., A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. But if you're bold enough to deliver a punchline, you deserve the laughs it'll earn you. If I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord. He ordered some. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death. 2.8K. He then asks, how many had sex once a week? He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. ", As a group of robbers entered the bank, their leader went to the manager and asked him to open the vault. Every now and then, you will encounter a person who will make you wait a good amount of time before they deliver the punch line. Never shies away from a deep conversation, never runs out of jokes. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. Looks authentic, doesn't it. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. You bet your fur! "Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. Guy: Can I buy you a drink? "So few of them know how to dance." Jauncin 4. ""How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person? But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. After an hour he loses his patience and yells, "Putin is to blame for this I'm going to the Kremlin and I will get rid of him!". ", This is a really bad adaptation of the proper joke, which stars a moth. Joe happily accepts again. "Let go of the branch", boomed the voice.There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "Is there anybody else up there? However, one smart flight attendant had an idea. ", "I don't care, open it now!!!" He then asks, how many had sex once a week? I love you too! Thats terrible But couldnt you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?" After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. ", A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. There was this one time that I held one for a moment" ", A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. As he was getting closer to the head of the queue, he asked one guy, who also looked and was about to walk away, "Wait a second, what is this queue for and why are you now leaving it?". "Help! To John's dismay, he responds, "Why are you so happy getting sex only once a year?". A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. The lunch was my idea. . My girlfriend asked me if I smoke after sex I said I haven't looked. What Happened to Danielle and Nick from Love is Blind?